He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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