sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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