I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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