We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
