Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize