If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
