I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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