awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
