i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
