Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I have already put on my inside pants.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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