I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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