There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
