We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
