You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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