Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
