The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
