smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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