we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize