i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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