i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
