The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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