pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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