it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
