What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
