Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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