Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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