Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
