it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
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It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
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He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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