Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
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birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
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there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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