I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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