I wish you could order shots online.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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