hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
