I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
two words: eviction party
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
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