ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
