Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
