Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
