Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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