So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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