scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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