how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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