my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
