You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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