just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
