If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
