Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
