I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
