angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
