did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
