is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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