wanna go halves on a baby?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize