I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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