What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
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Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
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Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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