so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
