The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
