It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
