I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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