I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
