this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
