seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
