then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
