he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
