Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
someone owes me an orgasm
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
