I wannas sexs uuuuu
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
