before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
