Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
