So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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