i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
