his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
