I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
