Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
